SUNSHINE & RAIN

bubbling joy

2012-01-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

I was crying and hurting, and suddenly i was crying+laughing at the same time, it was so weird!!!

Let go of your heart, let go of your head and feel Him now.
I did, and it was just a wave of Him. of love of joy of peace of healing.
And. i was not afraid. !
I wasn't thinking so much. I wasn't hiding.

Just before that during the baptism class, though it wasn't for me, I was just reminded again, and i had such a desire just to be like You.
Remember what I wrote?
I want to know Love. I want to fall into Love. I want to be always in Love.
Even in all my weaknesses and upsets, even if I am so broken, I am still Yours.
I felt a change already. Even without an altar call, without the tears, without any "feeling" but I know that something changed in my heart and thinking.

And then i got all upsetzxz. becoz of -

And then I talked to You during altarcall, and. You overwhelmed me.

hahahah it was funny, i felt bubbles and at that moment khong went bubblebubble!! and i just was laughing giggling. such an expected touch God, thank you 8')
I'm truthfully very skeptical. and never thought I would be one of those that encounter God in this way. But i really wanted to. hahahahahahahah. dear You. thankyou so much.

But I'm still hungry. help me keep this river going, unclutter my mind, mend my broken heart, bring me even closer. bring me in Love <3

2012-01-18T13:28:00.002+08:00

I'm very upset with myself.
Overwhelming. Feel like my whole life was a waste. like a failure.

Other people wanna escape from school, i just wish i was schooled normally.

Be quiet for awhile, the tears stop flowing. Suddenly it's okay.
so where did that go to. Did it just sink down to be hidden again? haishhhhfeel nothing.

2012-01-06T19:35:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's easier to just shut up and say sorry.I tend to always do that. But it's not right. What to do, try to explain, misunderstanding. Don't, still misunderstanding. and hurts.So i try to speak out. And the minute i do i regret it.Should i have just shut up and said sorry?Hello heart why don't you feel a thing, oh you're so very hard.

2012-01-04T23:22:00.003+08:00

Anyways, sometimes i get annoyed with myself and think, just be thankful! Why cant i be joyful n merri about it.but i realize i do appreciate and am thankful, for the small things too. I love a hot bath.I love foood!Twinkly stars on a clear night make me go ooooo.I love the sweet small 'surprises' like a gust of wind when its super hot.I'm truly blessed and so thankful for everything.But i don't want to live my life for just these.What i'm dissatisfied with is not material things, but i crave for more.I was not made to live for all this, i am thankful, but this doesnt bring lasting joy or fulfillment.I have nothing to live for and that makes me no better than a dead person. i have no drive, no motivation.I am empty.Maybe i'm not thankful enough spiritually, emotionally? I'm a brat :/ what can God give me that He hasn't already? But why then do i feel so empty lost confused alone. The problem probably is with me receiving it?Help me DaddyGod. Seems like whenever im close to my breakthru i instinctively close up in fear.

random. Recently i found that i was abit shocked whenever i spoke and someone responded? /laughed (In a grp of ppl :campcom). Which made me realize how used i was to not being heard, and how afraid i am to speak out that i just shut up. How i felt i have nothing of worth to give or say. How i hate to b left out but always end up shrinking to the back n being left out. And get mistaken and looked over. To the point tt i hate talking people, going out, especially groups. Blabblah haish i cannot sleep. My blog very depressing uh haha, only all my struggles and :( thoughts and emotions. Hmmmm. I should not apologize for being me? I am very weak.

if u get it

2012-01-04T22:56:00.001+08:00

It's like my eyes, And also the rash/wound on my leg.I figured that, it would just go away. It will heal with time.Then it stays for weeks and months and years and i say, if i just rest enough it will get better.Its annoying it hurts its gross but its still tolerable not too painful. I guess i should get it checked make sure its nt something serious but i just put it off, lazy too ex or whatever i dont really know the reason as to why i dislike going to the doctor.friends notice it and i just joke about it, try to cover and ignore it. Its not going away, i really should go to the doc, but uh its been so long, i would feel retarded asking for help about it. Might as well just wait for it to heal?Its the same thing always, whats wrong with me am i dirty? its not that i dont keep clean.Ah whatever its not a big thing anyways..they say the eyes are the windows to the soul..This is a little of what it feels like inside

always.

2012-01-04T00:45:00.001+08:00

Do you feel alone?

2012-01-03T02:32:00.001+08:00

Denial to the pain has become a reflex.
And everytime i try to protect myself i'm slowly killing my heart and adding layers to the walls.
Ignorance is bliss, i guess, when you're asleep.
I don't even know how to be transparent with myself anymore, and end up only in quarrels in my brain.

On my own trying to be 'ok'. I've only become numb. And now my heart is a hard rock.

Its not ok, im really not ok :(
Until i'm close to You. Until i hear your heartbeat. Until i'm falling in love and this cold heart melts, til i'm truly free. i really want to know You.

awaken my heart to beat again

2011-12-27T22:24:00.001+08:00

so i try to be open and honest, but....

not a big thing, it's okay.

but this heart doesn't agree with what I know to be true.
this darkness should not be where I am.

its just so noisy with no love.

I feel so stuck in fear.
sweep all my fears away, let me know love, Daddy bring me in Love.

2011-12-09T10:29:00.001+08:00

What. So noow you care?why am i so pissed off. Relax, calm down, selfcontrol, respond in love and not in anger.

but what i really wish is
Sbkk come back :(

God spelt L - O - V - E

2011-11-24T00:26:00.001+08:00

Hey since when blogger become so cool! HAHAHA. I guess I've been away for way too longgg.

since nobody reads, I THINK. i shall just type my ♥ and other random stuff.

& she felt guilty cause she didn't love Him, no not yet; not fully, not truly.

And all she longed for was Love; wondering, did she long for Him?

Yes very much so. Cause all He is, is Love; and Love is all of who He is.

would You

2011-11-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

Father I don't have a big prayer.
I don't have a real big heart.
But I have a big desire, and hunger.
I want You, I want to know Your heart.
I don't have a heart for anyone/anything.
I don't have much love to give.

But You do.
Could You reveal Your heart?
Could You reveal Yourself to me?
Would You?
I don't want to hear about another's experiences.
I don't want to hear from another.
I want to hear from You, Yourself.

I don't want to live in lies, my view of You distorted.
Who are You really? Who is Love.

Would You. help me. to believe.
to truly understand and accept.

cause all i feel is nothing. empty. fear. uncertainty. alone.

Arms wide open

2011-09-14T11:20:00.000+08:00

"Believe me when I say: it's not about your scars, it's all about your heart."

I know my heart is safe in Your arms.

& I'm thankful for restored relationships. thanks :D i smurf you.

approval in Your voice

2011-09-14T11:19:00.000+08:00

Honestly sometimes I feel so inferior. People with higher confidence, better with words, know just the right things to say, the people who are harder and stronger. Those are favored more. Seems more like "Blessed are the strong, for they shall inherit the earth."

There was a period I kept comparing myself and pushing myself to be someone stronger, with more confidence, and harder. And I totally lost myself. Trying to be someone I'm not, despising my personality thinking I'm weak. I felt so confused and miserable, I lost Merri and i don't know who i am or was anymore.

But I'm slowly beginning to see my value.

A strength hidden as weakness.

I'm not gonna let myself be hardened by hurt and build walls, I want to grow softer.

Yes even if it means I'm taken forgranted or will get walked all over, and even if people see it as weakness. I will get hurt, I know, but I will not allow my spirit to get hateful or angry and bitter or want to hurt the other person just to "get even". I want to love selflessly, just like I am loved. I want to be more understanding and not think about myself but how i can help another.

And. What others see as weakness, You helped me see that it's a strength and a gift and a weapon. I'm not gonna let myself be hardened by hurt, but softer.

You use the weak, the broken.

Found this post in my drafts, from earlier on in this year.
It's kinda interesting to reread what I wrote sometimes, it's kindof like i'm reading another's journal not mine and not my thoughts. HAHA. Just interesting to feel what I felt at that period, what was important to me, what kind of a person i was, and what I struggled with. Which until now I'm still struggling and growing. I think at this age is when we really try to find out who we really are as a person, and i'm still finding my identity in God.

Don't be too quick to judge. Never set yourself up high. Dream big, don't lose your dreams. Don't expect of people but never lose your trust in God.

oh anyways smurfs look super delicious. like yummy gummy marshmallows! :D
i wanna nomnomnom themmmm HAHAHAHA.

bloop

2011-09-12T11:00:00.000+08:00

I think I shall start blogging again.
I thinkkkkkkk.

Unexpected right, HAHAHA.

But it would be nice though, if there was an option for privacy here.

o.O
idk what to say.
hahahahha bye.

comparison game - nobody wins

2011-02-17T12:04:00.001+08:00

Hullo there.
Beware of playing the comparison game.
There is no winner in that game, it only destroys yourself and others.

2010-10-27T14:45:00.001+08:00

wasted time.
what am i even doing with my life.

make me mood-full

2010-10-14T11:40:00.006+08:00

I've been having this weird sinking heavy feeling in my heart lately.
Usually only in church before worship.
But I woke up today with that same feeling and it won't go away.
I told Val about it once she said she had it before and it's like oppression?
But somehow. It doesn't feel like it.
And this might sound weird but I don't want it to go away. It's not that I like it or it's a nice feeling. But I'm really

[Oh it's gone now. ]

anyways. maybe i'm those people who take pleasure in pain. LOLOLOL. ahaha but no luh.
It's just that i'm so frustrated with myself, i've been "moodless" for wayy too long. not moodless as in no mood. but just no moods. a hardened heart. it's a protection that i unknowingly put up to keep my from getting hurt again and again. But now i don't know how to soften my heart and it's so frustrating it drives me to tears. Sometimes when i cry i don't feel anything, that really does sound weird, but it's tears out of the frustration of not being able to feel.
And somehow that heaviness of heart, it makes me feel that i still can feel you know? I really don't know what it is. But i figured out that it always came before worship. in church, in cell, in One, but today i just woke up with it and i turned on the music and it just got heavier. I really don't want it to go away. Cause when it does life is as normal, everything is normal but i don't want normal. there is so much more i know it. and in a way by shutting out all the bad stuff i shut out the good too. though i still do feel sad happy angry hurt overjoyed and all that stuff. I still do feel. at the end of the day i really feel nothing. its not i feel nothing BUT I DUNNO HOW TO EXPLAIN. it's like i feel it because i tell myself that's how i'm supposed to feel? But my heart can't accept it. wa seriously i dunno what i talking or wad im talking even makes sense. it doesnt even make sense to me.

But i really miss that softness i had. tho people might think i'm a crybaby. But i could feel. i could feel other people's pain too. Ruthie's comment made me remember that silly time when i cried because everyone was upset and fighting and i didn't want them to be upset with each other or sad or fight. Actuallly. i still do cry easily now. hahah. OHMYGOSH. i just realized. im so sry D. i realized sometimes when i think about the past it's because i want to be able to feel something. feel sad about something to actually feel. is that really the reason? AIYA i dunno luhhhhh. zzzzz..
ummm.....i think i know luh i've become numb. still can feel. just not the same.

I used to be able to feel compassion. to love genuinely.
i lost it.

ANYWAYS. DONT GO BY FEELINGS MERRI :)

byebye back to the secret place i go.

nomnomnom

2010-10-13T00:33:00.002+08:00

okay i went blog crazy again.

HAHAHA

disappear for a long time then when come back spammm posts :D

my blog said 2 readers just now, i wonder who the other one is. mysterious people hmm hmm.

HUNGRY. SOMEBODY COOK FOR ME PLEASE 8)

take what i have known and break it all apart.

2010-10-12T23:26:00.005+08:00

powerful lyrics.

BUT LOL LUH. Grace to see beyond [bion]. total spoiler make me burst into laughter.

when i set my eyes on You, the things that used to be so BIG, shrinkkkk..
cause You my God are greater still :)

mr macky

2010-10-12T23:18:00.003+08:00

Haiiiii! i'm sad :(
I haven't really been using my comp, it's as though it's Raphy's comp ever since i got my iphone cause iphone makes me lazayeee oops. hahah.
BUT :((((
i think my laptop is sick and overworked.. Raphy uses it till it gets too hot and opens too many videos and now it's lagging like siao and making really weird noises and getting hot way too fast i feel like crying tho its just a laptop but sian leh how luh just now i studying it cannot tahan then it auto shutdown wahlaooo

:( Daddy heal my com please.

realizing....

2010-10-12T23:14:00.004+08:00

Funny how we find out that the things we thought we had or were good at..actually aren't there at all.
Things like patience, honesty, love.

The more i grow, the more i see how inadequate i am. And how much more i have to go.

breaking mindsets, religiousness. it's not a pretty sight, it's not easy. it hurts but hey it's like little by little You're "woahh-ing" me. just a peep and i'm amazed. i'm still struggling but You keep me up and all this might sound cliched mushy wadevs but i am thankful :) it's really hard, but i know with You it'll all be alright :)
but rawr dont play hide and seek with me right now luh :( next time okay? :) now can You please be somewhere i can find You cus i feel a little lost right now :/ maybe a little scared and sad and upset and irritated too.
can i have a clue? :)

natural then the spiritual.
Oh. and i realized that my relationship with :D made me realize alot of things. It broke alot of wrong mindsets i have toward God and helped me relate to him in way that was REAL and not just in the head or religious. shall say no more bcos.................. but.
merci beaucoup xiexiehenduohenduo :D

randomrandomrandom. been away for too long til i forgot how to blog properly. HAHA. my thoughts are alll over the place.

i wonder if i should move blog or use a private one?

No need to cry over spilled milk, when I'm a daughter to the One who owns ALL the milk in the world :D
heheheheheh.

.

2010-09-12T02:05:00.001+08:00

Nightmares :( I'm really very tired, go away please.

ohaiii :D

2010-09-01T00:45:00.004+08:00

It's a bad idea to eat cereal at this time.
super HIGHHH now. HAHAHAHAH.

every day at around 8-9 i get reallll sleepy... then i'll be like yessah! can sleep early tonight. & then i'll realize i havent bathed yet >< so i go bathe, get all awakeee. & after 10 it's like i get more and more and more awake until around 3 when i have to force myself to sleep.
my body clock's weird.

& i know, why don't i bathe earlier right. i always forgettt, until i start getting sleepyy :P

maybe i should put a reminder in my handphone or smthing. haha.

& OH YAHH!!! you know! i found a way to revive my dead phone.
I found a nokia battery, which was too short for my phone, so i broke my eraser and used it to kinda keep the batt in place.

seeeee!! HAHAHA.
now my naked phone is even more retardedly looking and just a tap would make everything drop outt.

anywayys, it's so cool cos on sunday morning i dropped my phone battery into water :( & i was like wahhh siian cant even switch it on. Then when i got back home my mom gave me some presents from my sis & i was like. OHMYGOSH!!! GOT PHONE LEYY!!! HAHAHAHHAHA. Like val said, it must be God. I think He veryvery sweet loh. like a small thing like that He would care too (:
& yah thankyou dear cheche for the phone i like it lots heheheheh :D :D & I MISS YOU. & i know, the picture looks like your old display pic on facebook, hahha, but i took it quite awhile agooo.

i wna blog about soo many things yet i dont wanna blog about anything. & i realized recently i wrote alot of sad posts that are unpublished. tskkk. hahha. joyjoyjoyjoy! (:

woooohooooooooooooooooooo~
getting so awake O.O
i really need to sleeeeeeeeeeeep larhhhhhhh :X

& im sorry this is such an unproper post :P brain's high, but not really working now.

tooodles!

longings.

2010-08-19T02:04:00.001+08:00

not a superficial want that can be easily filled with a simple act of kindness, or all the cliched stuff.
No deeper than that.. it's an ache of the heart that can't be explained with words.

i've always thought there was something wrong with having these longings & aches of the heart. that was what i was thought, what i assumed.

hibernation.

2010-08-18T02:14:00.001+08:00

made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
made for someone greater, someone bigger...

And you’ll come alive when you learn to die

2010-08-18T01:40:00.001+08:00

Sean : this shirt doesn't feel like mine.. feels like a girl's shirt
me : ..................... yah. it's mommy's.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAH

*changed*
o.O are you sure that's your shirt?

2010-08-17T03:26:00.000+08:00

in quietness & trust.

lion with no teeth

2010-08-16T11:55:00.001+08:00

to get to that breakthru i have to get thru all this rubbish.
The devil only makes things APPEAR scary when in actuality they are not.
but that was really. scary. bcos. it's not scary in that way. but scary in the relationship, things repeating sort of way that i know will never happen but ohgosh it was so scary okay.

make my life a testimony.

2010-08-16T00:04:00.002+08:00

no matter how high i jump or how high i try to lift myself out of these walls, no matter how much i push.. these walls just aren't budging ):
But i bet it just takes a tap from God for it to all come tumbling down :)

IF i just press through all this, i will be made whole.
if i can just let go, & realize my breakthrough is right around the corner.

i don't want all th stuff. i want you.

this alka seltzer. dissolved in your love.

minus 3

2010-08-13T12:32:00.005+08:00

MY PARENTS ARE GONE.

now for the wild parties & setting the house on fireeeee~
kidding.

Quite the opposite actually.
The first thing i did when they left was hang up the laundry, sweep up my dad's hair, clean up behind, & wash the super smelly pillows. HAHAH.
really sound like some maid loh. :( hahahaha

& :( i didn't get my hair cut loh. by the time my mom comes back my fringe really like dog liao. mayb shall cut next wk? hahah. cut mohawk. lols. mayb i shall do it just to see my parents reactions XD

hiding in small places.

2010-08-13T01:49:00.006+08:00

HEEHEEEEEE :D
TODAY I WENT BACK TO MY OLD HOUSE.
I felt like a small kid going to an amusement park that kindof feeling :D :D :D
So had to go back to clean up the house for the new tenants...

& like. ohmygoodnesss!!!
I couldn't contain my smiles & i probably looked like some mad girl smiling to herself the whole time.

I miss the bus stop i used to take 3, i miss taking bus 3. HAHA YUMYUMS, BUS 3! i miss that route i took to walk home, walking home with cheche & seanie, & the times when :D sent me home. i miss hanging out at the playgrnd downstairs with :D & ohhnos, lots of bad memories too. :X i miss walking to pasir ris beach whenever i felt down, frustrated, bored. I miss the lift. I miss living on the 13th floor so high up. I missed the stone wood floor me n my mom patched up. I miss the fishpond. I miss the strawberry tiles in the kitchen. I miss the colorful stones in the bathroom. I missed the blue toiletbowl. I miss the carpets. I miss the wooden floor. I miss the nice unique lights. I miss the parrots on the door. I miss the corridor i used to walk home. I miss the staircase i would climb everytime i wanted to exercise. I miss having my name on the room door. I miss sleeping in that corner of the room. I miss putting my mattress up so i could hide in the hole under the window whenever i felt down and wanted to cry. i miss the retarded fish tank that has no purpose but just to take up space. i miss the toilets with curtains. i miss having sufficient cupboards to place everything.

I missed my house. it's such a unique house that my mom really put alot of love & effort into designing, like every small detail... HAHA. crazy ley i didn't know how much i missed it til i went there. PLUS. I didn't realize how long it's been, until I saw whole blocks of flats that wasn't even there before luh.
I asked my mom, how they BOM build flats there in such a short period of time uh? o.O
& she said it's already been a year...
OHYAH HOR. doesn't seem so long.
Yah, amazing how long we survived in that decrepit house.
hahahah say until so jialut.. mommy maybe when we finally start opening the boxes we'll find a child in there. since all of us liked to hide in boxes & small places
nonsense luh you.

But okay, as much as i missed my house. i like my ROOM alot now :D heheh.

It was nice spending time with mommy too (: tho we not doing much. hahha. but like small things loh.
Then on the way back we sit at the back of the bus, my momm very cold so she squishhedd me & i put the super cold slurpee on her & she squish me even more. hahhahaha.
talktalked too (:

Why we sit here? It's for the pregnant/disabled/elderly...
We are what. You are the elderly I am the disabled..
????
maybe i'm pregnant. or maybe you are pregnant. hahahah
choi uh..

this post is pretty much pointless. hahah!
& ohnoz. how did it get to be 2am already! o.O

MY PARENTS & RAPHY LEAVING TOMORROW.
actly, i don't really feel much difference luh. hahah. But hor. jealous loh ): they get to see cheche. RAWRS. I ALSO WAN.
i also wanna see eddieee. hahah.
But okay luh, we get the house to ourselves for 2and a half weeks :D

what if when you come back i cut mohawk & dyed my hair purple?
I would laugh my head off at you. Papa would probably flip out.
HAHAHA.

count to ten, i'm gonna find you!

2010-08-13T01:34:00.004+08:00

It's bad to be on this see saw of emotions.
the merri-go-round's even worse.
swingswingswing, in the end gets me nowhere.

oh look what an emo pic. HAHAHAH.

...forget the playground, i'm running into Daddy's arms.

"MERRi"ness is a choice, not an emotion. so, i shall choose to be merri-me C:

like den-dee-lie-yearns

2010-08-11T00:41:00.006+08:00

do we say certain things just to convince ourselves?
bcos it's something we know in our minds but not in our heart?
trying so hard to earn something that was freely given...

imperfect. easily broken.

i don't want to be alone..
i'm scared. i'm stressed.

i need to rest.

talking into the fan

2010-08-08T22:21:00.004+08:00

HULLo
I'm here blogging cus eunice is watching me blog and she FORCING me to blog. HAHAHHAHA. keeding.

but what to blog i really dunno what to say ley.
the things i wanna say cant be said here so ohwells. hahah.

Musical was really sweeet ♥
& reminded me of :D addy
& even though i've been in church for so long already but just a really sweet reminder/revelation of FatherGod's love loh (:
I almost cried. ahahahahha. but then control.
The cast & crew really very zai luh, hahah.

honestly, i dont know ):
but just...

love God, love people (:

m veh slpy now. nitez C:

if i open my heart, can i go there with you?

2010-08-03T00:58:00.003+08:00

it's scary when it hit me.
brokenness.

After everything, i just didnt want my heart to get broken again. I tried to keep it all together with stuff that couldnt hold it together.
But you know what.
No matter how painful, i'm willing.
but not brokenhearted for myself.

& wah very sian luh, honestly i'm quite scared to go to sleep tonight.
yesterday it kept going on & i was just so scared & frustrated. very annoying also luh &&
Prayed against it many times & suddenly just felt that God stepped in and protected me loh. & felt like i was just hiding behing my Father sticking my tongue out at the devil. hahah!

chasing the wind

2010-07-27T23:33:00.003+08:00

Sunday was a reminder. of something I forgot, i lost...

I wanna go again God. This time with the right heart, right attitude, and an understanding.
I know it's not gonna be easy, especially when everything now is going SO WELL. When ____ finally got a ___. The blessings suddenly started flowing in this year, financially. last year, relation-ally. But i know You've called this family to go. I know it. I don't know how. Maybe not now, but in Your timing...

run running away..
Just feels like i'm chasing the wind.
I don't know, don't understand. But. i'm just gonna trust.
It takes more then love.

BIG

2010-07-26T00:32:00.003+08:00

"The way to help young people breakthrough, out of their cycles, is to give them a Big vision. A vision bigger than themselves." - pst jc.

wow.

2010-07-23T01:02:00.001+08:00

At the end of the day?

......................

:(

2010-07-21T22:26:00.002+08:00

God i cannot.
but You can.
help please.

run --->to good

2010-07-16T00:37:00.002+08:00

Rather than running away from the bad, run towards the good (:

It's all in your thinking.

Met star's ahma today :D
She feed me until my tummy want to bursttt!
Hmmm, after that still meet joel to eat somemore, i think my tummy really gonna paozhaaa!

Don't forget..

2010-07-15T00:22:00.003+08:00

..the heart of the matter.
..the reason we started what we're doing.

sometimes we get so caught up in what we're doing that we forget the reason why we're actually doing what we're doing.

Why am i doing what i'm doing?

Why do i wake up every morning, wash the laundry, clean up the house, sweep the floor, clear the garbage, iron clothes, fold, cook lunch, before i know it it's 2pm & studyy all the way til i fall asleep >.<
Seriously. i was quite -.- felt like a maid, um, who has to study. LOL
But yahhh. i'm sure there's a reason my life is the way it is.

I might not know now, but i trust God knows what he's doing with my life, cus i don't. & He'll handle it much better :D

& as muchhh as i reallly absolutely DO NOT WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE NEXT TIME. I admit it's not so bad, i'm kinda used to, and almost enjoying doing the chores? LOL. can't believe i'm saying this >.< but i'm actually doing the chores with joyyy :D heheh.

But God please don't let me be a housewife next time. pleaseplease ): hahahahah.

&&
remember..
..why i am on this walk with You.
..Your promises.
..how You saved me.
..why I'm a shepherd.
..why i love.
..the One i love
......

there iz like 5 unposted blogs, sian. i think i should just have a private blog luh. hahahah. i even deleted a whole chunk out of here cause like, yahh...rahrah.

byebye! (:

Unglam!

2010-07-14T21:00:00.001+08:00

HI, STAR HERE. :D
I'm at Square's house now, jealous?
YAY I LOVE SQUARE! <3

edit! *
Hey dear star! :D i had much fun with you todayyyy. I really am very blessed to have you in my life, & am super happy that you are my sheep/daughter/darling :D Jiayou! In this together with you, and even if i'm not there, God will always be there for you (: You're a precious treasure, & someone i love deeply.
heheh. square loves star loadssss!!! (:

balloonheads

2010-07-14T00:19:00.009+08:00

Sot means silly in french.
When i read that i laughed. cus, you knoww. how when we say someone is sotsot, that they're crazy.
& then i laughed again cus i realized my laughing at that is silly.

it's late, giggllyy time! hehehehe.

bwahbwah

2010-07-10T00:09:00.007+08:00

Was walking home after sending eunice off.
& i got kinda scared.
Actually, i wasn't.. until eunice told me to be careful cus she saw a few guys drinking beer there.. then i was like hmm, no luh nothing one.
Then as i was walkinggggg... i started thinking, ohno, what if they suddenly grab me from behind and pull me into the dark alley behind the coffeeshop o.O
then i think, God please protect me. put two super strong angels beside me! :D
Then i thought, aiya singapore super safe one. & how privileged we are to have the safety that we have in singapore, & that if i go overseas next time i probably can't walk home this late at night alone..

think so much.
crazy.

&&&& now i got this feeling like there's something SUPER important that i need to do but i can't figure out what. PLUS it feels like i need to study somemore & i haven't studied enough, even though i just finished studying!!!! this is craziness, i think i overstudied myself to the point that normal studying doesn't seem sufficient. Does that even make sense? LOL

too much talking.
random peeektures :

gosh. i miss dd & cheche & yumyums & bbj & amylove & eleanor & dovey & soooo many other people so muchhhhhhhhhhhh!!

esp cheche. it is almost a year now.
i love you cheche ♥

If David can talk to his soul, i can talk to my brain.

2010-07-08T10:43:00.002+08:00

Brain, stop going nuts and thinking nonsense.
please and thankyou (:

stayplease

2010-07-01T00:49:00.001+08:00

powerful.

Some things just can't be explained.
It's more than felt.
& you just have to be there to really know.

BOO!

2010-07-01T00:05:00.012+08:00

HULLO ALL! I FINALLY UPDATED. LOL

actually i tell you something, i have like 6 written posts already but i just didn't post cus i still not yet blog about my bday & church camppp, & it felt so unfinished to suddenly blog and miss out one whole chunk of stuff...
I dun like the feeling. must be organized loh. haha!

SO it's gonna be like, blogpost spam. happy reading.
keep scrolling, can read until your eyeballs pop out. & then you'll be like i wish merri didn't post at all. hahhahaha.

*STOPPP
CLICK HEREEEEE
to read all the posts lah, if you want. if not the more i post the more disappears. hahah.

beepbop

2010-06-24T12:03:00.003+08:00

Met d for lunchy.
kenna shocked cos when i was walking there suddenly eunice walking beside me & she never even say anything o.O
Then i was like eh??! then she say, oh, i thought you all along with me so i didn't get shocked HAHA.
cute uh, i think too tired & too used to being together or something.

lunch-ed, baby at subway was realllyyy super cute luh :D hahha.
walkwalk, just spend time together, giant & borders. actually underwater creatures are quite cool. ahahah.
& i don't know why i'm always so cold like an ice cube >.<
:D ♥
pampers. lol.

headed back to churchyy,
actually you know what, if you read eunice then you read mine, is like sorta the same so i dun even have to blog luh, i just copy and paste hers. HAHAH.

ohyah, i found a color close to the barbie doll color i've been wanting to find :D heheheh, happy wors. & bought one for eunice. skali she go crazy over nailpolish i will be blamed. LOLL.

off to find joel, i kinda got lost cos i stopped one stop late, & ended up all the way at the other side of suntec, siennnn... managed to find my way back, but so long to walk backk. but yay actually not really lost luh (: sense of direction not that bad kays. hahahah.
Ate at suki-ya. suuuuuuuuuuuuper nice eh. I think i eat until i become a ball o.O
eleanor's right, if you come to zone1 u most probably will put on weight. especially if you're under joel. hahah, cus they will take very good care of you, make sure you eat, won't let you don't eat de. & esp joel will make you eat more -.-
But the food was reallllllllyyy nice :D
Had a good talk with him tooo, mmm, then he sent me all the way to pasir ris to find the rest to surprise amelia. thankyou! (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST AMELIAAA :D

sweetsweet.

2010-06-22T23:44:00.010+08:00

Out with
AND
todayyyy :D

homecooked spaghetti, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (:

So we decided not to cycle & went bowling instead.
& wahhh. i feel so super demoralized. totally cannoot make it man. LOL
See the score :

my first two, like, eyeballs. HAHAHAHAHAH.

Arcade-d, first time playing DDR, also feel super noob. :(
mashedpotatoes! :D
& decided to go to tamp to find their cell people.

Nice to see my childhood bestie again (:
i think we wayyyyyyyyyyyyy tooooooo long nvr see/talk to each other le. See her shocked expression, funny uhhh. hahah. Though i keep saying she heartless but, i still ♥ her. hehehh.
Nice to see jerome again too (:

Only photo i took with candy today. SO BLUR >.<
♥ you!

a b c :D

2010-06-21T23:30:00.001+08:00

wakey at 640 today!
my heart has an alarm clock. heheh.

Met :D for breakfast.
went to parkway library for the first time ever.
gracey came too... i kept laughing & d was like, next time not bringing you to the library.. hahah.
tied hair ♥
i really treasure these moments & the things that seem small to everyone else is really quite big to me. loveyou :D addy. heheh.

cell pm.
was good, but there's so much moreee.

back to parkway with eunice to find gracey & d (:
then to my house.. videooos. grace home-d. eunice & me watched up. & she go all :D at my mom's brownies ._.

2july! ♥

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T23:19:00.005+08:00

To the person who has impacted my life the most.
Loved me when i was unlovable.
Fathered me without asking anything in return.

This was exactly a year ago. I checked. chalet last year was 17-20 & this was past midnight. I THINK. or maybe not. ohwait actually i think it's not. hahah. but yahhhh. one day before i guess.

& this pillow. hahah.

last year i just got to know you so i didn't really wish you or give you a present.. this year you made me promise not to but i did anyways :P hahahahah. like kanchiong only uh, buy already saw you run away and hide, then when i heard you downstairs i run down scared you went to buyyy. LOL...

So much has changed since then. & i really really appreciate this person veryverymuch.
ai ni hen duo ♥

& happy daddy's day to you!

really nice ugly.

2010-06-20T22:00:00.002+08:00

Clemens draws really nice ugly faces. that's such a oxymoron. hahah.

& getting vincent to take a picture for you is super >.<

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH. not on purpose but the cartoon face is right where valerie's head is.

★★ came today :D she brought nicholas. & justin's brother super cute luh. hahah.

purplebox silverribbon

2010-06-19T23:16:00.001+08:00

Mommy what's for dinner?

heheheh.

CHILLI CRABBBBBBB!!! goshgoshgosh :D
my mom was saying when she was pregnant with me she only craved for seafood (crabs & lobster)
Maybe that's why i love these so muchhh. heheh.

& my first time eating lobster sashimi. iz da bestttt i tell you.

waaaahhhh. looking at all this food now is making me SUPER hungryyy. (it is actually now the 23rd of june, LOLLL i'm blogging backwards, tooo long nvr blog liaooo. :X

we gobbled everything upp. heheh.

i missed my mom's cooking man. next week, no moreeee! ):

tdf stayed over :D
chitchat til 3am-ish?

&&&&&&&&&&& OHYAHHH.
YOU KNOW.
when val went out th room for awhile and i was alone and was just looking around. then i stared at my pillow. like eh? why. like, my pillow so highhh. looks weird, so i went to peep. & i saw this purple box, tied with a silver ribbon & a note that said "Hello! (: This is from cell! Its present and card, 2 in 1. Hope you drop some tears! (: Gen1.2"
awwwwwwww!!!
i dunno why but i just put back my pillow and waited for valerie to come in, cus i dunno if i was supposed to find it yet? o.O actually i dunno what i thinking, that later when we going to sleep then i pretend to find it again? HAHAHHA. yah i dunno wad i thinking.
Then val came in & she was like. why are you smiling so muchh.
then i got all excited and took out the box & was just nonstop smiling luh.
& as i was flipping through the pages seeing the photos, it's like awwww, so sweet & touching luh (:
THANKYOUUUUUU DEAR CELL (:
the surprise was really sweet but this is so much sweeter. hahah.

loveydovey

2010-06-18T23:44:00.004+08:00

went down to find dovey today.
I dunno why i didn't ask earlier, pigged until 2 then nuaaaa until 5. LOL

I have barbie doll nails! heheh. weird, it's been more than a month since i've had unpainted nails. now they are not naked & finally wearing clothes :D

waffle+kaya+loadsa butter :D

ChurchCamp2010

2010-06-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

photospammmm. credits to eleanor & dawn :D

DAY 1

this photo is to show why i'm sooo short in the above photo. yes i know i'm short but not thaaaat short kay. hahah.

♥ !

heheh.

♥ my roomies :D

session1

birthdaysabo-ed zozooo. heheh.
& amelia got stolen away for the night ):
&&&! where we were in malaysia was so close to the border that there was reception loh. but i didn't bring phone chargerrr ):
called d for awhile :D and had to sit at that particular spot next to the windoww. hahah.

DAY 2

bday surprise from cell :D

shopshopped, we very sehhh. haha
bought necklace with jasmin & amelia
JAM !

Jasmin. Amelia. Merri
COOOLLL RIIGHHT.
we even have a song :D hahahhahahahah

after service :

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks!! so cute riightttt :D
thankyou ruthie, alethea, jierachel, jiekaren, josiah :D
you guys are sweeter than the cupcakes, & the cupcakes are really super sweet. hahah!

back to roomiiie, while i was bathing, jasmin & amelia got me to stay in the bathroom for quite awhilleeee.

& when i came out it was like.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
heartmeltz*

They put candles all over the room & it was so nice but photos cant capture, but yahhh.
heng we didn't burn down the room. hahah!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ you guys so much.
After camp i was missing you two so much luh, like, feels weird. sharing a bed, saying goodnight, jasmin waking us up, waking sleepyhead amelia up... hahah! & yah i agree with amelia, during camp can really see how motherly jasmin is. really very sweeet (:

peh han & joshua khong came over, eat cup noodles :D
oh & peh han was super sweet, i dunno luh he just said some stuff that was really very aww and sweet. LOL

DAY 3

nomnom*

workshop was really good, decided to go for the worship one (:

swimming :D

last night already ):
time passed by really fast...

peh han kenna sabo-ed for the "don't forget the lyrics"

me no likey eleanor's flashyyy.

kinda funny to end the post on that photo. HAHA
sooo..

churchcampy was awesomeeee :D

surprisesurprise

2010-06-15T23:01:00.001+08:00

okay, so my very sweet mommy/papa/seanie/cell/zone surprised me :D

THOUGH, i kindof guessed & was suspicious cooos....

Mommy out of a sudden called me go home cos grandparents are coming over.
Amelia asked me in the morning why i never invite her to my party. i was like ??? what party?? LOLLLL
Poh huat asked me to take my time
Sean was just being superrrrr suspicious haha
&& the cell didn't celebrate for me at all loh.

So i thought like, when i come back find the cell later they will celebrate for me or something...
but then when i reached home my house was rather clean?
then i was like hmmm...... fishy. so i went up to clean my room INCASE. hahahahaha.
then while i was cleaning my room i looked out of the window & saw my cell walking here. HAHAH. sorry uh, total spoilt the surprise.
But i was really touched :D

So they made me sit down & take loadsa peektures...
this melissa and eunice very cute luhh...
mel : eh close the curtain leh, i think the lighting will be better...
then i saw eunice like signaling or something & i was like. ehhh?? pushed the curtain aside and saw zone1. siao eh, the whole zone.

though if you know me, i really don't like crowds & i would much rather spend quality time with a few people that i'm close to.. & too many people til i felt kindof overwhelmed, dunno wad to do & want to hide that kind. LOL.
but still it was really sweet :D
though i know the plan was just a few people, & i found out later it was my mom who was sortof the one planning. so sweet luh! hahah. & she like know the people i close to that kind..

momyyy :D

i think this is the prettiest cake i've ever had
I don't usually like cakes, cus, i think overdose uh, & my standard very high le cos of mom. HAHA
But when i saw this cake i was like nonstop smiling.
strawberries ley!!! then the strawberry in shape of my name & HEARTS! ahahhahahaha!! so cuuuteee!!!

see luh, smile until spastic le. HAHA

bbj very sweet, she sms me after that, just super aww. haha

:D ADDY
&& ohyah. HAHA, i think it was bbj that called jeremy & say ehhh merri want tell you something, but that actually i had nothing to say but she knew i wanna take photo with jeremy. awwww (:

Which reminds me..... Peh han out of a sudden told the zone i have something to say to them & then like suddenly it was all quiet and everybody looking at me. &&& I HAD NOTHING TO SAY LUHHH. sabooo. I super paiseh i think i turned all red & all i said was thankyou. I THINK. HAHAHHAHA. i cant remember, too nervous le...

Oh & my grandparents did come, later on. hahahhaha. so nonsense luh my mom dunno how she can come up with that reason to lure me home...

i used to be really easy to surprise.
but i think now i really very hard to surprise cos i will keep thinking & think of all the possible ways & stufffff.. plus everybody keep saying make me expect alot loh. LOL
& though i say i don't expect anything, because i dun wan to get disappointed & i wan to be surprised and all luh. HAHA.
But then first session of camp pastor said we must have great expectations & then we will be filled & be given even more then what we expect. So actually i expect alot.
HAHAH
wah very wordy luh i dunno what i talking, very tired already. hahahhaha.

so anyways, second day of campp...
suddenly amelia & jasmin blindfold me.
Then they hold my hand and make me run along the corridor. Wah, next time try running with your eyes closed. SUPER SCARY TTM.
And tada!

came all the way from singapore to surprise me! :D
so sweet luh. & they very cute, they were hiding in the room waiting for me when actually they didn't need to hide cus i was blindfolded anyways. hahahah.

this photo looks familiar. compare with the above one with cake also. hahahha. i dunno why pose same one o.O

♥♥♥♥!!
thankyou all you lovely people (:
now is actually wednesday 30th of june. & i was actually feeeling super T.T
but after typing this post and seeing the photos & all the memories.
Just am really touched & am :D again

(:

2010-06-14T10:47:00.001+08:00

THANKYOU ALL OF YOU. HAHAH.
i'll blog about sunday when i'm back... cus no time le. HAHAH.
But i super happy luh yesterday. smile until cheeks pain.
love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (:

love! (:

2010-06-14T09:52:00.002+08:00

Goodmorning (:
Leaving my house at 11ishh.
&& I haven't packed finish!! LOL.. i really hope i don't forget anything...
& seeeee, i'm here becus, eunice, huiyi asked me to blog. hahah.

I'll miss you guys loadddddddds! ♥
take care yah! dun get sick, dun miss me too much. heheh. i'll sms all of you loved ones when i'm backkk (:

Pulau Ubin.

2010-06-12T22:31:00.003+08:00

Cell outing to Pulau Ubin todayy! :D

walked one whole round with justin & clemens looking for sinni. hahha! in the end she did go to small mac. awww, see starstar, we walk ard for you ley. hahha! then you cannot tell who i am covering your eyes somemore ):

Boat ride was fun! :D
gosh. how uh. i think sometimes i'm a small kid in the way i respond, get excited happy at small things. is that good or bad? hahah.

chinchoooooooow~ :D

Junyong riding mel's bike. HAHAHAHHAHA.

this is a nice piccc (:

&&&& seanie got lost for awhile before this o.O
he was saying, he can here joel shouting SEAN SEANNNNN!!! then he answer but no reply LOLL. so dramatic. when he come back then they were saying i should run back to him slowly, give him hug, you know like those movies. hahaha. then sean said he would run away >.<

drink stop! :D
sean what's with the dao face? hahah.

& joel getting pranked by "melody" LOLLLL. lousy luh. so obvious it's a prank loh.

we saw monkeyyys! then they turned their butts to us.

we stopped. and took breaks. manymanytimes. LOL

tdf! ♥

walked up this sway-ee high thing. the air up there super nice luh!!! super fresh :D :D

& see joel, so smalll. hahah, in the end he overcame his fear and walked up!!! :D

clouds!

melmel, starstar, tdf :D
& ummm.... ghost?

junyong! :D

doing roy's booomz. LOL

hearts! (:

boatride backkk.

hahah, look at roy so cute.

Really enjoyed todayy (:
to tell the truth i really wasn't looking forward to it cus i was SUPERR tired. BUT. it was really fun & refreshing. though tiring but yeah! :D really good bonding time.
& i tot i would be super unfit that kind, but surprisingly, like chionging luh. ahahhaha.
Missed eunice & huiyi tho...

muchlove! ♥

cant wait cant wait to be doneeeee!

2010-06-11T03:12:00.002+08:00

whoooooooooo~

60
-12 wed
-20 thurs
=
28 more to go.

so.very.tired.
nightnight.

I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING

2010-06-10T02:52:00.000+08:00

CHURCH CAMP EQUALS
NO COOKING FOR FOUR DAYS
NO HANGING/FOLDING/IRONING FOR FOUR DAYS
NO CLEANING UP FOR FOUR DAYS
NO BROTHERS FOR FOUR DAYS
NO STUDYING FOR FOUR DAYS
FOUR DAYS WITH MY LOVE & BBJ :D
FOUR DAYS FILLED WITH GO :D
FLUFFY PILLOWS, FLUFFY BEDS, FLUFFY TOWELS
HOT WATER
SHIOK AIRCON

AHAHHAHA.

At first i was like :C cus it clashes with my bday & many of the people i reallyyyyyyy wanna celebrate it with are not going. esp jelly.
BUT
yay for a much needed breakkk!!! :D

but still, i not really looking forward to it, yet i am.
it's just super fast, NEXT WEEK LEY. less than a week actually
&&& i am rather stressed. or rather, putting alot of stress on myself, I REALLLY REALLY want to clear my grade10 before church camp. Which explains why I'm still up now.
Studying history now, sianzzz.
Left 60 minus12 lessons. not bad, tho ♥huiyi & eunice♥ came over today i still managed to study quite abit. tmr & fri must chiong liaooo.

my sleeping schedule is totally messed up, maybe that's why i've been having really weird&scary dreams. I dreamt of bears & wolves escaping cages in my house yesterday, so scary kayyy...
sweetdreams please. hahah.
nightnight(:

hurts keep resurfacing

2010-06-09T02:08:00.003+08:00

things will change. things are always changing. sometimes good sometimes bad.

i don't know why i'm feeling so :C
nothing's happened.
but yah.
i just feel like crying.
suddenly alot of things. comebacktomymemory. wahlao. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
how long has it been, why am i suddenly reminded & why does it still hurt so much. i thought i was over this. i thought it's gone.

i'm always pushing you away, whenever i need you most. i don't know how to approach you, i don't know why i keep having this mentality that you will hate me and shun me and be disappointed. i jsut want to run away yet i want to run to you.

wells

cherish the present, stoplookingback.

Jesus please hold my hand? don't let me let go & run away again.

it's been awhile.

2010-06-08T20:15:00.008+08:00

PEiLiN : heheh, soon i'll give you some yumyums kay? :D
HUiYi : your welcome! :D hahha! we sneak into fish&co & steal someee.
MELiSSA : heysupercuteyMELMEL! :D
EUNiCE : whooohooo! look i finally blogged! LOL
ELEANOR : OHAIIII :D :D hahahhaha.
SiNNi : Hey STARRR! :D

**why is it that when my blog's dead i get so many tags? hahah!

everything's been going pretty well :D
I don't know where & what to start blogging on. hahah.

okay, this week is like study weekkk. going to CHIONGGG.
HOPEFULLY. i can finish this whole grade before church camp. Then can relaccc for that four days :D
& whoa, churchcamp next week le!!! SUPER fast can!
My birthday also!! HAHAH. i didn't realize luhhhh

I'm sorry eleanor that i canceled today :C but we'll spend time during camp kay? :D & what! you miss my mom's cake you nvr miss me uhhhh :((((((((((((((( HAHAHAH

last weekkkk
WEDNESDAY: bbj came over to study, tho didn't do much studying but had a good talktalk. & why is it that everybody who comes to my room always ends up sleeping/wanting to sleep?

THURSDAY : cell's farewell dinner @ fish&co.

FRiDAY : PEHHANN RETURNS. HAHA. can't believe time's passed by quite fast.

SATURDAY : Churchcleanup in the morning, zonemeeting was good. shrek after that.

SUNDAY : more responsibilities, it's fun, it's fulfilling. it's just a little taste but yahh. both sad cus didn't get to spend much time with the people i want to. didn't even get to say hi or bye to ppl like jelly & eleanor & peilin! :C but still it was a fruitful day :D & i'm glad starstar's coming on saturdayyy.
The cell is bonding well, growing together..
&&&& i realized i've really grown, cus many things i said to joel today i DEFINITELY would not have said like a year or months ago.

oh! & i got an early present from dear rufieee. so sweet luhh ♥♥♥♥♥! :D

ohmy this is such a wordy & boring post. toldya i don't really know what to blog about. & i'm pretty sure i left out alot of things that i wanted to say but i forgot. hahah. okayokay! back to studying!! byebyez.

Why do you do what you do?

2010-06-01T20:38:00.002+08:00

Saturday was :D
but i cannot remember what we did.
ohyes, morning went in circles with papa trying to find a good deal for iphone, unsuccessful ):
But kay luh get to spend time with my dad which i rarely do.
Was scared it was gna be awkward/weird? but it was okay ba.

YUMMYLOVE came today! :D :D

hmm-hmm

2010-05-28T16:04:00.003+08:00

this makes me burst into giggles.
so cute luh :D

today wasn't that bad, being alone at home is actually quite nice.
managed to hang up & fold & iron the laundry, sweep floor, clean up the house,
gosh i kinda sound like a maid. hahah.
oh oh & i think cleaning mirrors is so fun, like, after its clean you can see it's really super clean and shiny :D

feel quite happy actually. though i didn't get any studying done at all!
ohnoz. how did time pass so fast :C
shall study now.

2010-05-28T11:59:00.000+08:00

okay now i'm home alone. whoopee.

i think the pms monster is here, making way for the pyramid.

2010-05-28T11:17:00.004+08:00

mommy can i go out on monday?
with who.
jingwen.
ask papa.
papa can i go out?
but it's a school day.
yahhh, but their holidays already mah.
but you need to study...
i'm going out to study!
but your brothers will be at home alone.
it's not like they will die without me at home o.O all i do is cook lunch/dinner.
why don't you ask her to come over..
wah sian.
jingwen you wan come over to my prison?

i think i made my dad kinda pissed at the prison comment cus his face changed after tt.

then jingwen started saying what, she come over during visiting hours, and i can talk walks in the yard at certain times, & prison food is very nice o.O
Maybe i should tell that to my dad, either i will make him very pissed or he will see that i'm joking. hahha, i dk if i'm joking, i guess there's a litttllleee truth in that, maybe.

should i go out later? should i stay home.
why is it that parents think we go out everyday when i went out only once this weekk.

pluuuuus. very sian to stay at home everyday you know! especially when you stay home have to cook/laundry/study. i mean. i go out still going to study loh! wahlao. i really pushing myself hard already luh okay.. zzzzz.

sorry, just let me vent here so i won't burst at someone later on.

.

2010-05-28T00:12:00.005+08:00

yeh, i dun think flying over or digging a hole will work.
will you just open the door for me ): or am i just a stranger to you.

i'm sorry. i know it's not easy for you. i may not understand. but sigh. idk bah.
i still love you, whether or not you push me away. whether or not you believe me. whether or not we get to spend time together. whether or not you keep these walls up. & i'll keep trying..
*hugs*

ear bangsai.

2010-05-26T23:57:00.003+08:00

wanna see something gross?
no.
but you're still gonna show me anyway right o.O
you have no choice.
*brings tissue*
wait!! i know, papa's ear stuff rightttt.
*shows*
EWWWWWWWWWW. why so big one, wahlao.
hahahha, have you seen so big..
wahh, like ear bangsai like that.

be secure.

2010-05-26T00:31:00.004+08:00

wasn't taken today but i like this pic :D

Hmmm, so we had to retake some scenes..
& the bloody scene too xP
BUT, paranoia less today okay, i only washed my hair thrice after that, compared to the six times the last time.
Though, today had way less in my hair luh, Jeremy's hair was like, LOL. jialut man.

Dinner-ed.
saw dear amelia :D i think when we come together we have some giggling disease, overflowing with giggles. hahahah.

I realized. it's true that i've changed, like thru the small things also.
Even just looking into people's eyes when talking, i last time totally can't do that, now i sorta can. though certain people still can't uh, but yah.
& learnt a few things..
mmmmm.
& lol, at like how can tell who's patting me, austin funny sia he see how jeremy pat then he try but is like..... LOLLLLLL.
it's a father thing luh, cannot replicate :D

Oh & my handphone really cmi le luh. the back totally broke off, can't fix back, keeps dropping off so my phone is naked now. BUT the good news is thattt :
i thinkkk this weekend my dad bringing me to buy phone :D :D & high chance that i can get iphone,i think? :D :D :D :D !

wah i see my tagboard now seriously super sweet luh. hahah!
pehhan : i miss you tooo! yeah :D heheh, looking forward to seeing you & spending time with youuu! the 9 days will pass by very fast. will be welcoming you back to singapore soooon. love you! ♥

serve with joy & gladness.

2010-05-24T02:35:00.001+08:00

The past few days have been, interesting, tiring, fun! (:

so morning, sunny meeting. hahah.
MERRI MUST START BEING EARLY FOR MEETINGS.
i really gotta kill this bad late-coming, & last minuteness.
Went through navigators, & though, it's like super basic knowledge, things i know that i know & can totally just recite from memory. But. Somehow, it was a really simple reminder. Of His love toward me, & so much more.

& wah, when we're not talking serious things, the topics would be super disgusting >.< like mucus & nose hair & dunno what else nonsense luhhh. hahahah.

I asked, He answered (:
today was filled with opportunities...
Taking care of the cell, incharge of decor, being there for the girls i love ♥
though these may not be big things, but I'm thankful, & i'll do my best for my muchLoved :D

there is so much more.
keepgoingkeepgoing....................

***
I was quite confused at first tho, like, am i really childish? certain things, that, i like, & things i wear, do. should i then push it aside and really dress more mature, etc?
but then i realised. it's what's inside that really matters. Am i being mature about the more serious things? Am i handling things well? tho dressing and all plays a part, but i think what really matters is what's inside, & the things outside will just follow. & that i shouldnt keep condemning myself, thinking myself as inferior, & trying to be someone i'm not. But really, just be the person God wants me to be.

PLUSSS. i find that my dressing today is totally not myself & wah i was called a bao, aunty, christmas tree, & construction worker today o.O
HAHAHA, i shall stick to being myself.

& & & ! I am reallyreallyrreallyyyyyyyy thankful.
(:
for the leaders in zone1.
for the people who have invested into my life..
for the people who believe in me, push me, give me opportunities to grow, help me up when i'm down, & is there for me.
without these people, i definitely wouldn't be where i am right now.
thankyou, i love you (you know who you guys are) :D
& without God, who knows where and what i would be doing o.O
i stay amazed...

don't want to stay as i am right now, i want to grow up.

okay, too many wordy posts, this blog needs some peeektures. [snatched some from val :D i'm surprised at how fast she uploaded the pix o.O pigs will fly tmr. hahha]
i be sleepy & ohgosh i didn't know it was so late already. nightS!

hearts!

2010-05-24T00:57:00.002+08:00

awwwwwww my my tagboard suddenly filled with unexpected sweetness that i think all the ants gonna flood my laptop :D

wilberlyn : hahah! u siao uhhhh. i didn't see you today! did you come? (:
to you : yes i know who :D i'm super touched very much ley. hahah! tydily! heheh.
yummy : OHGOSHHH. yums! i miss you toooooo. \o/

i wanna be a multiplierrr!

2010-05-22T23:17:00.005+08:00

today was the first mtg with mightymen :D
It was really really good, refreshing, inspiring, made me think alot uh, & made me really want to move on for more of God.
Surprisingly during vbs i was WIDE awake, not falling asleep tho i was real tired.

Higher expectations, higher goals, think bigger, think further..

After VBS, headed to airporttt to nomnom.

Played some games, & i keep becoming pig loh but made a few other ppl pigs too :D
& i think i can get too overexcited sometimes. hahah. especially if i didn't sleep much the night before.

offf to ikeaaa to buy candles..

So sweet luh you jelly. hahah.
i can't help the smiles that are always there when you're arounnddd :P

I'm so loving how i think it's sunday & then i realize it's actually saturday & then i'm like :D !!!!!!!! TOMORROW NOT MONDAY, STILL GOT ONE MORE DAY OF WEEKENDDDD. heeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D

Cleanliness next to Godliness.

2010-05-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

I learnt something today.

I study better when my room's all cleannnn :D

clean room = productivity.
have a "clean" heart = more fruitful

So i shall do my best to always keep my room clean!

Tear down these walls.

2010-05-20T23:24:00.004+08:00

I've been wanting to blog since saturday but but been too beezeeee. & so i had all these halfwritten unpublished posts.
So... blogpost spam! hahah.

Wednesday's prayer mtg was gooood :D

It is true, & i do know, & i've been thinking about it.
Hmmm, i do want to grow up, & thanks for the second chance I'll do my best (:
Test for next week? hahah.

OH, & talked to my kongkong on the phone yesterday.. He started talking about fishing & i was like ... hmm thats random? LOL. then after talking for awhile he asked me, so where's cheche merri? then i was like ????????? i'm merri! he thought i was raphy >.< LOL LOL

Today went out with Mewisha (:
Wanted pei her buy bible in the end bring her one whole merrygoround feel quite bad luh ): cus it's too expensive.....
Hmmmm, i think it takes time ba.
But i'll keep trying my best (:
Oh oh the circle line is so cool luh, next time you sit, stand right at the front of the train & look out, it's like some computer game/roller coaster like that! SUPER COOLLLLL. hahahhah.

After that went to find the cell peeps at ep, yingru very cute luh, she like got never ending questions one. hahah.

mmmmm, after that pei-ed amelia :D
& like so random, actually we wanted do our homework together, but ended up chatting at void deck, all the way til 9ish...
Had a really good talk with her.. & yah, am really thankful for a friend like her. we just click really well (:

wowzers. look how much things have changed, & it's all by the grace of God :D
thankyou AbbaFather ♥

that's when i look at You.

2010-05-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

Out with dearsheeepy todayyy :D
Watched the Last Song with herrr. It's a good movie, though i dun really fancy miley cyrus, & the front part of the show seeing her kinda spoilt the shooow, i feel like pushing her shoulders down ask her relax & not have that weird expression on her face loh!!!! LOLLLL.
But the movie was really touching, & we both cried :P
I was like, thinking, what if that really happened.... & like. wahhhhhh......

Hmmm, after that off to bugis to meet sleepyhead Euniceee. middle of the afternoon she still sleeping like a pig loh. tskk. HAHA.

But then by that time me and huiyi super zzzz le. I dunno why but been really tired nowadays..

Huiyi went home & the two of us couldn't decide where to goooooooo... in the end went to my house to nuaaaa, take photos, have a good talktalk :D

Eunice is obsessed with pink. everything also pink o.O

I'm really thankful for this meimei of mine, & thank her for opening up to me, letting me love her & yah loh. quite cool to see how we got to know each other huh? (:

heheh.

today was a good day :D

Count it all Joy!

2010-05-17T01:03:00.002+08:00

SATURDAY
zoneprayermtg, vbs,
dinnered, walkwalk,
saw huiyi! :D
played truth or dare at rooftop.
Val decided to stayoverrrr, so off to her house first..
& when we were leaving her house her mom said "don't go out so much uh..."
val says "okay. byebye." LOL LOL, so contradictory luh.

SUNDAY
wakey early, off to first service..
I really think Pst Yang is one of the best preachers around. Better than all the guest speakers & all.
Count it all joy! & groooow up!

Mmmm, after that walkwalked at parkway looking for ricecookers. Like as tho jeremy getting married & all his bestman following him help him buy & me n amelia like um, bridesmaid? LOL.

breakfast @ mac.
walkwalked with jasmin, i really love this jiejie of mine luh :D

back to churchyy..
signed up for churchcamppp, yup i decided to go, even tho it's during my birthday & alot of people not goinggg, especially the people i wanna celebrate my bday with, esp jelly :C
But okay luh, rooming with BIGBIGJIE & AMYLOVEE :D heheh.

Busride to ehub was awwww so sweet with Lololili. ♥ !
& JusAsia's choco powder rawkkks. heheheh.

& jellyd is a good icecream scooper. I try to scoop cannot the bucket keep going round n round o.O
Oh & he told me his dream, super touching luh. but also very like ummmm, scary :C
&& if can i also wish i could pause at that moment....

OH MY MOMMY GOT AN iPHONE!!!!
SO UBER COOL CAN.... & i think me & my bros are more fascinated with it and use it more than she does loh!!! LOL.

wah, shuai ge! LOL

Sent papa off at the airporttt~
& so raphy jumped on the trolley & i was like, EHHH ME TOOOO!! so i jumped on & sean was pushing us everywhere :D :D :D
Papa asked me to pray for him, then i was like okay...
then he looked at me, and i looked at him. & i was like, OHHH, now? LOL... i tot he meant pray for him while he's there or somethingg...
But it was kinda cool praying for my dad & giving him a hug (:

Elmo & Zoe

2010-05-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

Raphy came into my room & showed me a picture on his ruler of the two characters above...

LOOK CHEMERRI!
ya?
Elmo & Zoe!
ummmm. okayy......?
EH WAIT. HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAH

elmo & zoe : eleanor & zoie.

rawrrz

2010-05-13T20:50:00.003+08:00

I think i can just bite off the head of the next person who asks me anything that is relating to my studies, exams, or wadever homeschooling blahblahblahs.
Though i know they are just innocently asking and they really dunno and just curious, or out of care or what. BUT SERIOUSLYYYY.
i get so frustrated whenever i talk about it, try to explain. bcos it's different luh. & then like keep saying th same thing over n over again. & everytime i say it i just remind myself of how far behind i am, how ridiculous it is that i'm studying way too much for my brain to cope. & yes it is all my fault that i have been slacking the past years. but I AM DOING MY BEST NOOW. Every hour I'm at home i'm either studying/chores/cooking. It is SUPER sian luh, try my best but it still seems not enough. waaaaaaa. can you just leave me alone. let me finish this. stop asking. RAWRRS.
It's not your fault luh, whoever it is that asks me.
I just very super sian of it, & just feeel so URGHH whenever talking about it. & i dun mean to get all !!! like tt, so i tahan luh. but then. can just dun ask anot. LOL.
maybe it's also cus that time of th month is gna start soon *i think* so i'm really very piss-y and get annoyed at the slightest thing. zzzzzzzzzzz. must learn to control. now is the best time to be alone. hoho.

yah okay. end of vent.
i feel better now. no need to say anything.
thankyou.

MERRi-NATING

2010-05-12T00:14:00.007+08:00

Helped Alina with her filming todayy :D
Thankgoodness I asked d where we were mtg if not i would be waiting at the wrong place for who knows how long. hahah.

me : suicidal girl.
YOU TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE SUICIDAL WITH JEREMY UH?
Hahahahah, just being around him makes me smile & laugh luh.
Very hard to go into the "emo" moood.

Sooooo. had to sit on the ledge, of the fourth flr carparkk. & i think the people around me more worried that i will fall than i was. I dunno why, i think there's something wrong with my heart/brain, i was really not that scared.. But like, super sweet of them that i have people who really love & care for me..So didn't wanna make them worry also..
i was in some awkward pose: one leg over the ledge only, then they so cute luh. D hugging my leg, joyce holding my hand, dawn holding my shorts..

It was nice just spending time with you (:
okay nice is an understatement. I was like overjoyed. HAHA.

hmmmm, after that had to take another shot & i had to sit there alone, like nobody holding on to me... that was, kinda scary bah..
D started saying must be careful, don't fall, still alot of things haven't do with you yet, etcetc. Tho it's just like that, n i doubt anything would happen to me. But it actually made me soo touched until i almost cry sia. idunno! as in i dun think i really have been thaaaat touched to actually really bring tears to my eyes...

& then after that we had to do the "bloody" scene.
Used this fake blood which i think is made out of glue+soyasauce+tomato+grape.
Smells like some bbq sauce sia.

we were marinating. [MERRi-NATING] HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Oh but the fake blood was stinky & sticky & icky & kinda hard to get out.
I think i washed my hair 7 times today. jialuut.

it's coool tho, not complaining, it was reallyyyyy fun :D

tho i'm kinda worried about tmr? I want to do my best but i haven't really done emo/sad/suicidal roles before. & i dunno how to make myself cry & be sad!!!! AHAHAH. HOW. I tried today, but quite fail uhh.

ok, off i go now. tooodles (:

pinkies

2010-05-11T02:17:00.002+08:00

I made sean wear pink. hot pink somemore. he say if i give him 50cents he wear the whole day. HAHAHAH.
wah wasted luh, should have take photo with him loh. totally forgot.

BUT THEN. when we walk out of the house i realised something. seriously look like couple tshirt ley, his pink n my pink same shade

okay, so reach katong, walkwalkwalk, oh hello everybody! sees d. walkwalk. hullo d :D & he asks, why am i wearing a bathrobe? o.O rahhhs.

not by strife or vain glory.

2010-05-11T02:05:00.003+08:00

can i just say something?
I think that the devil is not dumb, he is quite smart, & he knows who will do great things for God, who has the potential. & so he strikes that person hard, trying to bring the person down before that person has the chance to do anything.
I think, probably the people who have loadsa problems, they can be great men and women of God.
Yes mistakes made, regrets.
But it sortof makes you the person you are now.
& also, God won't let the devil hurt you any more than you can take.
He knows your limits. So when hard times come, jiayou! it's because you Daddy believes you can do it. He won't give you something He thinks you can't do.

& you know the verse that Sutieng shared during pnw? just like a day before that God was speaking to me thru that verse.

stop striving, just let go & depend on God.

it's been almost a year now.
thankyouGod C:

slowly, but surely.

2010-05-08T23:51:00.004+08:00

i dreamt lastlast night that i didn't know what time VBS started & i totally overslept, missed core mtg, missed vbs & nobody noticed or cared.
& when i woke up & headed to church i ended up in this ulu/ grand hotel/shopping mall place & i couldn't find any of the people i wanted to find ):
& then i woke up & i was like, OH, it's friday, not saturday. relaxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

randomthoughtsrandomquestions.....

bwahhhh. i really dun like her. dun ask me why. i think she is one of the only or very few people that i dislike.
& today no ☂ LOL LOL. but good wors. dun distract me.

There is not much i can do.
infact it's super little luh.
But the little that i do, i try to do my best for You, & i hope it pleases Your heart.

stardeeeee

2010-05-08T02:28:00.001+08:00

OHMYGOSHNESS.
I studied like two days+ worth of work today I DUNNO HOW LEY.
I think God like lengthened the day or something becos you just see luhh.

i show u my timetable :

One lesson is around one hour. I started studying around 10? Then breaked for cooking, eating, cleaning, resting & all. Still can study so much wors!
:D
yarhhh, i know luh, some days only one or two lessons very jialut. must be consistenttt!
i iz trying my best.
plus, i dunno. i think i really need to learn to say no sometimes.
ah but n-eee-ways.

IT IS SATURDAY :D :D
whoooopeeeee~

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. very tired le. nightnight.

wad's with me today mannnnn.

2010-05-06T20:34:00.004+08:00

hullo
hello
how much is the caramel thingyyy?
excuse me?
the....... umm... that dessert, ummmmmmmm....
the cinnamon melts?
ohyah!! ahcrap. *paiseh*

oh but the ~~caramel~~ cinnamon thing, it iz awesome :D

& then i went to the toilet, waiting for the occupied toilet.
the person came out but idk why i didn't realize & just spaceddd out, til somebody came in & asked me if i was going in. then i was like huh? OHHH, yah. *paiseh*

Met paulineee jus now :D
sew. sew. sew. maybe i should start sewing again...

there is so much more.

2010-05-04T22:03:00.003+08:00

mommy me

*papa eating chips*
(to papa)You don't eat and use the remote at the same time uh...
(to me)then you never wash your hands before you eat.
aiya, it's okay luh, why are you being so nurse-y, hahah. a little bacteria also won't hurt..
yah but it can make you sick
it's okay, it builds up my immune system
not if your immune system is weak
my immune system is very strong
you didn't even say grace.
i don't need to, she's sitting at the table now
yayaya.
HAHAHAH.

Amidst all the things I have to do, & all the confusion. Have i lost sight of what's really important?
I think I really need to spend some time with my Savior. I need to fall in love with Him again.
I need to find that purpose in life & not be so unsure, aimless.
I lost it, i need to remember where i left it & find it again.
xin uh, ni zai na li?

loveee

2010-05-04T15:35:00.001+08:00

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is not jealous
or boastful or proud or rude.
It does not demand its own way.
It is not irritable
It keeps no record of being wronged.
It does not rejoice about injustice
but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up
never loses faith
is always hopeful
And endures through every circumstance.

oheyy :D

2010-05-04T00:19:00.006+08:00

FRIDAY
i cannot rmb. But i know there was a misunderstanding the night before & i cried & was like ))): but in the end it was okay & now it is :D hahahhahah.

Oh i washed the carebears tooo

they smell like me now 8)

SATURDAY
wakey, laundry, studied abit. Cell came over. Joel shared his heart.
Went off to meet andrew& his cell peeps to meet Jeremy's cell at amk to watch ironman2 :D
YAYies :D
d & l-o & zoiefroggykitkat & sheryl the eggcracker :D
It's been a real long while.
I reallyreally missed n enjoyed spending time (:
& in the cinema was just super awwwwwwwww ❤

Mmmm, after movie, off to astons for dinner.
They say i cut the meat like a mother, and called me mothermary ._.

Eleanor & I followed andrew home, stayed over at valerie's house :D
photobooth-ed, talktalked.
i couldn't really sleep until like 3 ):
They were both sound asleeeep, so had mr ipod for company & fell asleeeep (:
but ms eleanor is a blankie stealer, i kept waking up cus very cold & no blanket. hahahahhahaha.
& i rmb we bumped our heads in the morning & we both woke up but i was too sleeepy, & she realised i had no blanket & like took the blanket cover me, awwwww so sweeet ❤

Shiokness:
bathing with hot water.
waking up not melting, but in a cold aircon-ed room
:D

SUNDAY
Went back to my house to change & get books to studyyy, ended up making val n sean late too, sorry ):
Today's sermon really spoke to me mans. jialut. hahah.

@airport

melissa was carrying my jacket like a baby, so cute. hahahhah

we didn't really study at first. playplay, talktalk, take pics.

ehhhhhhhhh, but idk, i think i've become quite stress about the amount of work i have to study that like, i reallyyyy want to study. super weird of me, but it a good thing also huh. hahahah.
but wah, i really cannot concentrate, not much went in my head luh, cus like.. i can't really study with music/noise/talking.
But hmmm, i didn't do tooooo bad on my history test so it's okay bah.
Just get it over n done with, i really dislike history >.<

After that d, bbj, l-o, lixuan, yuwen came to find us..
:D
yes or no? hahah (:
hmmmmmmm.

I find that i cannot really blog freely anymore, there's alot i want to say which cannot be said here. so tooodles!

2010-05-03T19:32:00.000+08:00

i have learned that love does not just refer to a romantic kinda love but there are other loves too.
I've learned what is true love, genuine love. People who loved me when i was unlovable.

Love is not deserved. it is given C:

go where?

2010-04-30T13:00:00.002+08:00

& so i'm walking thru life & i'm bumping into everything & everyone.
This is bad, i need to open my eyes, remember, think clearly, have some wisdom, even some common sense.

where am i going?
I need to set my focus right.

& i need to run back to His side again...

studybuddy bigbigjie.

2010-04-29T23:33:00.003+08:00

I know my God is able
I know His love never fails
I believe in You

I trust in You with all I am
Cause I know You have the master plan
So I'll throw my life into Your hands

Today was an awesome, fruitful, refreshing day :D

Sooooooo, studied. msn-ed, so long since we msn-ed :D
2 hours gone by - cooking lunch, hanging laundry, ironing dad's shirt, eating lunch.
time is flying by faster & faster, it really wants to lose weight huh. HAHAHAH.

BBJ called asked me if i free to go out study, i was like YEAAA!!! :D
Studied at starbucks for quite awhile, i managed to finish studying all 5 chapters of bio that i needed to study for exam...
& i think jasmin & i are very good studybuddies. Cos we are both the kind that will studyyyyyyy & really study & dun talktalk one. hahahah.
So after that went to popeye's and bondbond :D
Learned alot of things from her today, & really felt refreshed.
It's been quiteee awhile since i went out with her, i think last time was the 1st of feb? if i'm not wrong. hahhaha. enjoy spending quality time with her (:

Thanks bigbigjie & i lovee you ❤

baabaa looks pwettyyyy!

2010-04-29T01:45:00.006+08:00

Seanie went crazy & dressed my lamb with clothes i just bought.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

gah. 1.45am again. time to sleep.
this sean luh. don't let me sleep o.O

** today feels like a friday, why does it feel like a friday? i wish it were so.

eunice's boyfriend spits out water.

2010-04-28T23:48:00.008+08:00

This was lunch! :D

Raphy is very particular about fats & so this conversation between him & sean :

raphy sean.
the whole word is made out of fats.
what?? so the grass is made out of fats?!
yah.
the air is made out of fats??
yup.
so so.... then. the time also made out of fatS???!!!
yah. that's why time is moving so fast, it wants to lose weight.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!
what nonsense luh..

After that Eunice came over so i could help her with math...
Am very proud of her that she managed to sit down, study & concentrate! :D
And also that she knew how to do most of the problems loh.
Goooooodjob LALALiLi :D

This is the super uber duper cool water purifier in my house now :D
It looks like some alien/futuristic thingything! & the best part is when the UVlight switches on and it glows purple!!! AHAHAHAHAH. but then my dad says the UVlight is dangerous so dun be near it when it switches on & dun look at it ): ): but how can i resist purple???? ):

& since dear eunice is a water monster she was totally ecstatic when she saw the waterpurifier.
She calls it her boyfriend o.O
I think she loves it more than me loh, boohooooooo )':
LOL.

After that went down to town to find parents.
shopshopshopshopped 8)
it is the first time that i bought quite a few things that i liked while with my parents.
I'm not exaggerating.
Usually i can't find anything or it's too expensive. Actually, we don't even go shopping loh, we go grocery shopping only. hahahhaha. just that today got saleee..
Was also fun helping mom & Sean choose clothes :D
&&&&& I finally bought a pair of slippers. LOL. after dunno how long.
i like it very much, it iz sparklieee~
I realized i now have alot of sparkly things.
Da sparklexx is awesomexzxzxzxzxzxxz! xD
Hahaha, huiyi, i am slowly turning into a shiny fairy!!!!!

But i think me & my mom were like so retarded bcos i thought they blocked off the fitting rooms & that we couldn't try on the clothes, so we were trying on the clothes outside over out clothes, like where all the clothes and everybody was. LOL LOL. everybody was staring at us. &&&&&&& after that, i realized that the fitting rooms were just at the other side o.O

My dad bought craazy amount of shirts loh seriously. He kept complaining that like we spent alot of money today but mostly is all his things!!! tsk. i think he bought more than 10 shirts. combine that with the other day, he got more clothes than me & he can like change shirts every hour. HAHAH.

Seanie iz such an awesome bro. quoting him : "It is very bad for a guy to just stand there and let the girl carry everything, you should help her carry" or something like that luh i cannot remember.
It was very funnnyyyy! Like you know those movies when the girl goes shopping and the poor guy has to wait and watch her and help her carry everything? Yah, it was like that for him n me n my mom just now X)
& thenthen

ehhh. this one nice anot?
um, not reallyyy, it's like guys clothes....
raphy! you cannot say like that, when you go shopping with girls you cannot criticize..
huh??? what!!! LOL LOL.

Bad romance was playing everywhere we went. wahhh i super hate that song loh. it's likeee. cause that day i was reading about it, & it had all this scary occult meanings behind it..
So does most of lady gaga's songs. & also rihanna's umbrella & disturbia.
horrible loh seriously. umbrella seems innocent, like as though it's just about friendship or whatever but it's actually about demon possession, & disturbia is about her being tormented by the demon in her.
wha, my hair all stand liao. what the heck luh seriouslyyyy.
After i read all that i remember i was so scared i don't dare switch off the lights or go to sleep :X
Hahah, but yeahhh. i was just talking to my mom about it. & it was cool.

***ps. sean is like staring at me now, just to irritate me. o.O ..................& now he's doing some jellyfish dance. siao one loh.****

i am very :D just to know that the people i love are okiedokes. & i hope that it will stay that wayyy.. love you! 8)

*wahraoos. now he dancing with my lamb. >.<*

aiya fine luh. he stare at me i no flow already. LOL.
byebye!

Raphy's joke :

2010-04-27T11:09:00.004+08:00

chemerri. i got a joke!
oh, what?
which snake likes pies?
ummm... i dunno...
A PYTHON! HAHAHAHAHAH
o.O

Today i helped my dad record voicemail for his company.
I sound like a small kid + telephone operator + my cheche.
i hear it also keep bursting into laughter. HAHAHAH.

magnet-y?

2010-04-26T23:54:00.003+08:00

I ate chocolate and brushed my teeth & now my mouth tastes like chocomint :D

A frog swallows by closing its mouth and pushing the food in with it's eye sockets that bulge inward from the roof of it's mouth. LOL LOL LOL.

Treasure what you have.
lovelovelove (:

you are veryveryyy special to me, there's no doubt about that :D

I really have got to start sleeping earlier.... it iz now 1.45AM

thankful(:

2010-04-25T23:25:00.001+08:00

Seannnnnnn! I lost my necklace )))))))))):
Which one?
The birdcage one that one ):
ummm. isn't it here?
o.O ?? YAYY!!! HAHAHAH. OHMYGOSH I THINK I AM BLIND.

ohoh. did you know umbrella was infront of me, but sadly i had to move behind.
ps, there really was an umbrella there, unknown, dunno who's one. HAHAH.
but thennn.... um, a few people will get what i actually mean luh. HAHAHAHAHAH.
btw. I M JUST KIDDING.

After service went to support Rauf in soccermatchh.
Actually, more like play with caleb& evan. they are uber duper cute manz! X)

Jasmin's face always lights up at the sight of a baby x)

Seanie doesn't want to give me a smile >.<

home-d.
I have a very sensitive nose :*

who?
daddy! :D

MERRi-ed

2010-04-24T23:43:00.004+08:00

HAHAHAHHA.
I AM SO HIGH NOWZXZXZXZ 8D !!!

Today felt like a sunday, i guess cos had to wake up earlyyy in the morning, had service in church & got to see the whole zone todayy :D

Philipp Mantofa conference was goooood.
His translator has a shiny head, which is like, I think if i have a shiny headed friend next time i will keep rubbing his head :DDDDD
Praise was all in chinese & i was totally lost luh. This Joel behind us sing until veryyy funny, couldn't help laughing like the whole of praise. X)
The second session was like, LOL. Cause he went around hugging people in the crowd. & I was asking Joel why they clap when he hug people uh? o.O so weird loh.... & like so awkward to suddenly stand up and hug him. skali he come here hug you... then the next thing we know, he came up to where we were sitting, looked at joel, & was like "tough guyy!" and asked joel to give him a hug. HAHAHAHAHHAHA. SUPER FUNNYYYY MANNNZ....
Oh, heard a praise song in korean today which was uber cool! (:
&&& yayyie, my yummylove came today, i was very much deprived of yummyness... i really missed her alot luh, was very happy to see her :D
ohgosh, alot of people today i see i just can't help but smileee ! they just make me smile luh. hahahha.
hearthearteeeeeeeeeeeee came today too. (:
& baobeihuiyi (:

ahahhaha, i was like joking with eunice saying "okay luh, so we mean nothing to you anymore ): go luh, dun come find us anymore....... hahahhaha." then huiyi say she very scared when i like that cus like 180 degrees turn.

Mmmm. It was real nice spending a little time with jasmin, peilin, huiyi, eunice, eleanor @ the bus stop. just feel so at home lohs (:

&&&&&&& i have very pretty friends loh!!! :D :D :D i keep falling in love with them :D
esp peilin. heheheh.

Spent the rest of the day at the beach :D
supersweeet moments with bigbigjie :D
bbj : Dear God, i pray you would give us good weather, in jesus name, amen. pleasse?
me : pwetty pweashhhh?
& IT DIDN'T RAIN :D

then spent pretty much the rest of the day with Ameliaaa :D
wah, giggle laugh giggle so much until now my cheeks and tummy achey. hahahhaha.
She makes me highhhh!
idk why also.

Oh i think they kicked the ball wayyy out into the sea so Joel swam out to get it & they used the life float all. see the little dot in the water? hahah. *applause for joel* :D

&& so the guys were in the sea playing.
& jasmin, amelia, & i buried Joel's shirt in the sand :X hahahhah, i think we very mean today lohhh. jialut. But like poor joel always kenna, i rmb last time we bury his slippers in the sand, peilin's bday that time. hahahha.

Tada! we buried it there. hahahhahaha.

But after that Joel looked quite sian & ): so we were like, aiya, dun so bad luh, so we told him where to get back his shirttt.

&&& oh goshness the sky was sooooooooooooooooo pweetyyy! :D
I tried to get a photo of it's prettiness but my camera can't capture the colors ):
It's like so purple-ish and pink n blue n a lil orange. and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
HAHAHHA, i spent that romantic moment with amelia :D
It's like God's present to us, awwww. so sweet (:

amelia: Merri!
merri: yes!
amelia: merri me!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHA.

& i wanted to like, um, aiya i dk luh, but i accidentally poked d's eye and i felt ): hahahah. fail. so silly luh. nvm :P
but i'm still yay-ing at the fact that i can call d my d :D :D

@ dinnertable. laughed like siaooo.
we were talking about what makes us highhh.
& Val said she only gets high if someone turns her on o.O sounds so wrong but she said no, as in, turn her on in her brain, like the switch? i really have no idea wad she's talking about. LOL
I get very high with ameliiaa by my side, we'll say some super mushy-hair-standing-cheesy thing to each other & then giggle like mad. XD
Then sutieng said isn't there a song that goes jesus turn me on? LOL LOL LOL. sutieng uh. super funny. it's jesus lead me onnnn!!
Then we talked about what we'll eat in heaven. & won't it be cool if manna is some kinda food that tastes and turns into something you feel like eating when you put it in your mouth :D

I should not watch videos. make me super giddy n motion sickness o.O
But i just spent like an hour laughing my head off at vids taken quite awhile ago. memories :D

gah! it is now 1.16AM. so, gooooooooooooooodnight!
do you think i'll be able to wake at like 7 for first service tmr? i kindof doubt so >.<
but let's see luh hor. hahahha.

why is the ice so nice? HAHAHHA.

2010-04-23T19:09:00.005+08:00

i am now minus the grumpiness & plus the cheeriness.

:D
thanks d, i love you (:
hahahahahahah. i just remembered smth. "who is addy?"
LOL.

& also. it's FRIDAYYYY :D :D :D :D

yay yay yayyyyyy!
pluuuus, i didn't have to cook today since my mom's lessons start late today she cooked :D

tobealone

2010-04-22T23:35:00.007+08:00

i think i'm getting used to this.
not in an emo way.
but the thing is, everyday i am alone.
& when i'm not it'll be like my brothers bugging me or my dad. & i just flare up very easily at them. even when they're not trying to bug me, but just talk to me i will be so irritated idontknowwhy!!! & then i feel so horrible for being so grumpy & all that i would rather be alone than to be around them ):
idk what's with me nowadays.
Just, i'm used to having my own space. that quietness.
lollll. you know the first thing ppl always say when they call me? "eh, you sleeping uh" i sound so sleepy when i pick up meh? hahahah, mayb cause i don't talk much during weekdays, so i got the sleepy voice? idk.
i like being alone.
I mean, i spend time with God (:
I'm getting my studying done.
but somehow...
i reallyyy feel very alone luh.
sigh.
i think i'm just lying to myself.

not that things are bad now. but....

i miss being close to the people i was close with.
i miss the msn & videocalls & phonecalls.
i miss having someone missing me.
i miss being myself.
i miss that happiness i felt.
i miss making someone happy.
i miss being that smileygigglymerri.
i miss the lameness & the crappiness & the sweetness.
i miss knowing that i was important to somebody.
i miss being a part of somebodies important to me's life.
i miss being understood & understanding somebody.
i miss having someone i reallyreally trusted.
i miss being trusted.
i miss hanging out, for no reason, but just becos we enjoyed each other's company.
i miss that familiarity.
i miss that warmth.
i miss that closeness.
i miss not being alone.
i miss YOU and you and you. and you. and you.

i miss you all to the point that im so sad and i really dont know what to do about it and nnow im crying and it may be childish stupid or whatever but. i just feel super sad luh.

i think. being stuck in my room at home all the time is driving me bonkers & to emo-ness.

i can go sing,
lonely, i am so lonely. i have nobody, all on my own~~~ HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
kidding luh. but that made me laugh & feel better :D
& i know there are alot of caring ppl around me, thankyou you guys.
You don't have to say you're there for me & all that cause i know you guys areeee.
i just felt really down. & my blog is one place that i feel i can be myself n not have to put on a smile. hmm. mayb i should private my blog?

im okiedokes now. no need to ask me if i'm okay (:

there is more impt things.
yup.
i shld try to sleep now.
nights.

ps. i think my title looks like. abalone. ahhahahahahhahahaha.

zZzZ

2010-04-22T11:32:00.001+08:00

yeh, this is me everyday >.<
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.