Grow me in love

It's amazing how everything You've been speaking to me was confirmed in just one sermon.
how You're woo-ing me (*^^*)

How do u give smthing when you're on empty? Fill me with your love and joy!
I feel it drop by drop :)


things start looking different when you are at a different place. From a place of depression, unworthiness, feeling helpless, dirty, like a problem. To being loved, a daughter, enjoyed. <3

when i'm enjoyed by You, haha ! :D

WAH VERY ANNOYING!!!!!!!

I don't like Valentine's day.

I know I sound like a bitter, lonely, typical single HAHA.
I mean, it's just another day.
If say, a guy/girl were to instead choose a random day and treat that day as valentine's now THAT would be sweet and special. Instead of cause it's valentine's so be sweet.
It feels forced, with most people having lotsa expectations on that day. DISLIKE.
It doesn't feel genuine haha.

& yah you know!!! why do all our celebrated events actually have a morbid and gruesome story behind it. Maybe some are meaningful but most are actually bloody cruel events D: And why do we actually celebrate it?

For example birthday: giving birth is a super painful event and process, super bloody. But I guess it's to be thankful for our existence, one day where we can feel important and significant? If anything I think our moms should get celebrated on this day actually haha! moms are heroes.

Valentine's: if i'm not wrong the origin had nothing to do with romantic love but of a martyr named Valentine, i thinkkkk.


OKAY SUPER RANDOM POST LA.
I STILL LOVE THIS DAY LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY NOT MORE OR LESS.



btw, JOY IS IN DA HOUSE.
o_O

bubbling joy

I was crying and hurting, and suddenly i was crying+laughing at the same time, it was so weird!!!


Let go of your heart, let go of your head and feel Him now.
I did, and it was just a wave of Him. of love of joy of peace of healing.
And. i was not afraid.   !
    I wasn't thinking so much. I wasn't hiding.

Just before that during the baptism class, though it wasn't for me, I was just reminded again, and i had such a desire just to be like You.
Remember what I wrote?
I want to know Love. I want to fall into Love. I want to be always in Love.
Even in all my weaknesses and upsets, even if I am so broken, I am still Yours.
I felt a change already. Even without an altar call, without the tears, without any "feeling" but I know that something changed in my heart and thinking.

And then i got all upsetzxz. becoz of -

And then I talked to You during altarcall, and. You overwhelmed me.


hahahah it was funny, i felt bubbles and at that moment khong went bubblebubble!! and i just was laughing giggling. such an expected touch God, thank you 8')
I'm truthfully very skeptical. and never thought I would be one of those that encounter God in this way. But i really wanted to. hahahahahahahah. dear You. thankyou so much.

But I'm still hungry. help me keep this river going, unclutter my mind, mend my broken heart, bring me even closer. bring me in Love <3

I'm very upset with myself.
Overwhelming. Feel like my whole life was a waste. like a failure.

Other people wanna escape from school, i just wish i was schooled normally.

Be quiet for awhile, the tears stop flowing. Suddenly it's okay.
so where did that go to. Did it just sink down to be hidden again? haishhhh feel nothing.

Sometimes it's easier to just shut up and say sorry. I tend to always do that. But it's not right. What to do, try to explain, misunderstanding. Don't, still misunderstanding. and hurts. So i try to speak out. And the minute i do i regret it. Should i have just shut up and said sorry? Hello heart why don't you feel a thing, oh you're so very hard.

Anyways, sometimes i get annoyed with myself and think, just be thankful! Why cant i be joyful n merri about it. but i realize i do appreciate and am thankful, for the small things too. I love a hot bath. I love foood! Twinkly stars on a clear night make me go ooooo. I love the sweet small 'surprises' like a gust of wind when its super hot. I'm truly blessed and so thankful for everything. But i don't want to live my life for just these. What i'm dissatisfied with is not material things, but i crave for more. I was not made to live for all this, i am thankful, but this doesnt bring lasting joy or fulfillment. I have nothing to live for and that makes me no better than a dead person. i have no drive, no motivation. I am empty. Maybe i'm not thankful enough spiritually, emotionally? I'm a brat :/ what can God give me that He hasn't already? But why then do i feel so empty lost confused alone. The problem probably is with me receiving it? Help me DaddyGod. Seems like whenever im close to my breakthru i instinctively close up in fear.

random. Recently i found that i was abit shocked whenever i spoke and someone responded? /laughed (In a grp of ppl :campcom). Which made me realize how used i was to not being heard, and how afraid i am to speak out that i just shut up. How i felt i have nothing of worth to give or say. How i hate to b left out but always end up shrinking to the back n being left out. And get mistaken and looked over. To the point tt i hate talking people, going out, especially groups. Blabblah haish i cannot sleep. My blog very depressing uh haha, only all my struggles and :( thoughts and emotions. Hmmmm. I should not apologize for being me? I am very weak.

if u get it

It's like my eyes, And also the rash/wound on my leg. I figured that, it would just go away. It will heal with time. Then it stays for weeks and months and years and i say, if i just rest enough it will get better. Its annoying it hurts its gross but its still tolerable not too painful. I guess i should get it checked make sure its nt something serious but i just put it off, lazy too ex or whatever i dont really know the reason as to why i dislike going to the doctor. friends notice it and i just joke about it, try to cover and ignore it. Its not going away, i really should go to the doc, but uh its been so long, i would feel retarded asking for help about it. Might as well just wait for it to heal? Its the same thing always, whats wrong with me am i dirty? its not that i dont keep clean. Ah whatever its not a big thing anyways.. they say the eyes are the windows to the soul.. This is a little of what it feels like inside

always.

Do you feel alone?